changes {part dos}

screw Created to Be A Help Meet!  i don't mean it. ok, right this second, and for the last thousand seconds i have, but in my heart i know i don't mean it. so just let me rant ok?! if not to be honest, be myself, tell you what's up, how i feel, even for just a little while, then what is this blog for?!! so give me a minute {or 10} while i go to the verge of cussing, being selfish, and whatever else you think i'm being.

I titled this post "change {part dos}" because my last post {here} was about how things were going to change and how i thought me working and mathew staying at home might be a beautiful thing! well it was. FOR 1 F-ING DAY. he got me coffee, woke up with Isabella at night bc she had pooped {middle of the night pooper remember?} he was doing dishes when i left for work, etc.... since then...um... let's just say it this way. It looks like the only change that will be happening is that I'll be working now AND doing MOSTLY EVERYTHING at home. nope that's too nice... and doing  EVERYTHING else too. EVERYTHING.

also, the conclusion has been made {i won't incriminate the person who i came to the conclusion with but it was funny... we laugh about everything.... ok maybe i gave it away there}. Mathew's back problem derives from the pressure his head is putting on it. you know because it's so far up his butt. if he would pull it out I'm sure he'd get some relief. we all would.

and if i hear one more person telling me "oh, poor guy, i bet that's hard on him" well you know what?! screw you too!! or at least punch you where i can reach you!!

what about me. what about me leaving my children. what about me working AND coming home to Isabella STILL sleeping even though she should've been woken up an 45 minutes before then?? AND to Douglas sleeping on the couch, the kid who can't take naps because then midnight becomes his bed time, because Mathew & Billy were playing video games and he got bored.... what would make him think that as soon as i get home it's over. I don't do that when he gets home. When he was working once he came home he didn't have to lift a finger. what about that?!! what about me having been on my period for the last 2 months?!! yeah, i went there. I've been having problems with that since here. i thought i was dying at one point. now it's annoying but i have to wait a month until i get my prolactin levels checked again. then if they are still high i'll have to get an mri to make sure there's nothing major. ME the one WITHOUT the health insurance.

what about Douglas. who today asked "why do you cry everyday" i don't but i guess to him it seems like i do that often. broke my heart. he told me not to get daddy angry and to tell him it was just an accident. then he told me to listen to "So What?!" by P!nk to make me feel better. and to tell daddy that too. so he'll feel better. what about douglas. although honestly that song would probably just make me want to throw the xbox out the window then run it over & over with his truck. then drive that truck into a wall. maybe i'd be hospitalized and get waited on at the hospital for a couple days....

what about Isabella who's a mommy's girl and is cranky all day because i'm nowhere to be found.

what about the freakin cats in my garage that tear up the trash, but mathew keeps feeding?!!

what about the internet i'm not "allowed" to use while gaming is going on. which is ALL the time! c'mon guys it's my life line!! gaming time which is right now. yup they're both on the f-ing xbox and talking to eachother, not able to hear anything besides the game and the players with those freaking headsets on. and no i don't care. I dare one of them to come in here and tell me i'm slowing their connection down. i welcome it. i sooo should have married a 65 yr old guy like Elizabeth did, he refers FB as "The Facebook". I need one of those guys. he has a cleaning lady come once a week. i need one of those!! pronto!!

what about me still trying to do zumba {which is f-ing hard} and yoga so that i can lose some weight. for HIM! because i said something about my belly the other day & HE said, "don't do that, that shouldn't even be there" HE SAID THAT!!! and it wasn't an accident!! WTF???!!!!

I love my husband very much... and I do not mean to be talking him down in anyway, he's a great dad, wants to be a good husband. He just needs to chill out and use the common sense God gave him. What is going on?! and no one say "he's feeling emasculated because you're the one working now." we talked about that... and honestly i don't give a shiz. not a bit. he needs to get over himself. and i know his mom and family members read this. I KNOW. and so?? this is me. if he would like to be babied he can move back in with his mom, I'm not babier. {example: D sitting in sandbox crying. me:"don't just sit there crying like a wimp! come get me and let me know what's going on!" yeah, i'm that mom}

something's gotta give!!

or maybe i just needed to let it out. i'm glad i FINALLY have friends i can talk with, and this blog, where i can just type away my issues... well... kind of.

changes

I've spent 2 days,
well day and a half,
well thursday from 8 to noon & friday from 8 to 5.... working.
well training.
at an office downtown.

WHAT?! i know!!

pardon the dead bugs on my windshield

you know about mathew's back & his ER trips. well, he went to the orthopedic doctor on August 17th & it went well. we both like the doctor very much, he's not much older than us & looks like he could totally whoop some butt. maybe a veteran, but too young to have gone through the military AND medical school, or maybe he just looks that way. anyway, we like him. this past wednesday we went back for him to get his first shot. in his spine.

WHAT?!! i know!!

dumb, annoying, trying to be helpful, rude people keep telling him, but mostly me. I guess if you tell someone to tell someone else something it's not as rude?! ugh. tell them yourself if you don't think it's stupid. anyway.. those people keep bugging me telling me that Mathew should go on a diet, lose some weight, that'll FIX his back. if you've met mathew he's a big guy. not fat big, scary, kick your a** or maybe just play football big. so losing weight?! maybe 20lbs.. no mas. but to those people - you know what?! poop on you. Doc found out EXACTLY what the problem is. his vertebrae is slipping and pinching/slipping the disc below it, the disc it's supposed to be resting on. THAT'S the cause of the pain. thank you dr. hearndon for FINALLY telling us the cause, not just how to patch it up. physical therapy to strengthen his back & celestone shots to help with the pain so he can be able to do the physical therapy. genius! we joined the ymca in town, they have a therapy pool, and lap lanes. mathew's going to start swimming laps at least a few times a week to strengthen his core. i told him yoga would help, but we've tried it & mathew thinks it's stupid lol of course i can hold high plank position {without shaking!} longer than him, so i think he's just jealous. ha! he's also going to stop working for a while.

WHAT?!! i know!!

he's not excited about the situation, but we both know that this is for the best. his body needs a break, needs time to heal. so we've decided that he's going to stay home with the kids, & i'll be working.

WHAT?!! i know!!

i'll be in the top floor suckas!!

i found a receptionist job that pays well working for school messenger thanks to a friend. i don't officially have the job yet but you know it's in the bag. i hope. i go in for more training this week, not sure of my schedule yet or anything. all i do know right now is that it'll be good. mathew will get to spend time with the children, see what i do from day to day {this could be beautiful, maybe no more "what did you do today? why can't you just _________ while the kids play?" maybe now he'll understand}, he'll get to heal. heal so that he can do what he really wants to do. what he dreams of doing for the rest of his life. farming. meanwhile i get to miss the kids, drive into the city, dress up or down, do my make up, take a lunch break with NO kids, wake up early, put up with traffic, actually have a weekend...

brothers are a girl's best friend {part dos}

today i'm spending most of the day with my brother. he works at target now. so i'm going shopping with a discount!!! 

this post with douglas and Isabella playing together was supposed to be followed by this one. but you know. life happens and drafts stay as drafts for days, weeks.... sometimes months.

my brother is one of my closest friends. and i don't have a lot of close friends {as i mentioned here}

 yes, D is in red underwear in this picture. this is Billy & i on the swing set with the kids.

don't judge. it's fun. tight, full of fat feelings, but fun.

we're 6 years apart. he's 18 & i'm 24 {25 NEXT month! just fyi *wink*}. he just graduated from high school this past May {see awesome pics here my fave is the one of mathew grabbing billy's butt right when i take the picture. he.lare.ee.us}

we have our moments. i'm sure we've come to blows a couple of times. but we love each other.

about a month after he graduated he came to live with us. he doesn't even have his own room, he's in the {what is now} family room/play room/kid's library/movie room & billy's room. {he didn't like the basement like i had it set up when i posted this}

since he's been here we've had a great time! 

 the kids absolutely adore him

he makes them laugh. a lot.

we were on our way to grandma & grandpa's for the 4th of July in this one and he was in the back seat with them.

here he's lighting bottle rockets for Douglas {who's wearing Isabella's sunglasses}

and it's nice to just have him here. if mathew is working late & the kids are asleep i can go get groceries.  i can go get some coffee... i can go for a freaking drive if i need to. he's my savior sometimes. unless it comes to changing diapers. killing spiders or picking up baby snakes. that's a no. he's a wimp. or actually he's just like me & has no concept of living out here.  he says quote, "i'm not jeff corwin!"

Isabella is one of his biggest fans.

but sometimes.... sometimes  i just want him to leave. not just him though. the kids, mathew, AND him.. the dog too. everyone just leave me alone. i'm coming to the realization that maybe i'm an introvert. and neurotic. anyway. billy really helps me with that. he's a hoot. we have lots of laughs together.

he's going to kill me over this one. i got it when he came up for a breath. right after he told me not to & went under.

a few weeks ago we went to walmart for a few things late at night. we walked around for a little bit. he grabbed a pool noodle and started using it as a jump rope.  i thought it was cute so i decided to take a picture. this is totally cracking me up just thinking about it. as i took the picture. this happened.

FAIL!! he almost fell over.

i love my brother.