The Plaid Giraffe

so this guy started preschool last week.

The back pack was a toss up between Sonic, superheros, and Mario.

Mario Kart is his fave thing right now. maybe the fact that him playing video games is so limited helps make it special. [y'all know how much I love video games.]

He went to bed early, laid out his clothes, set out his back pack, asked for cupcakes for breakfast.

We were all very excited.

He didn't care that I dropped him off. He didn't even think about telling me goodbye.

I'm not gonna lie, I did mind him blowing me off a little. But mostly I was happy for him.

When he ventures out, confident, happy + ready to take on the world on his own, I feel like I've done my job so far. Not a perfect job mind you. But I do feel validated.

I took the time he was in school to myself and went to target, dropped off donations at Goodwill, enjoyed some Starbucks, + got the grocery shopping done. The most exciting part of the morning was picking him up from school. I couldn't wait to hear all about it.

To my disappointment all I got out of him was that he loved school. LOVED it. And he got to use scissors, play outside, + eat a snack. He's the kind of kid that tells me nothing, then one days teaches me something new and I'm all, "where did you learn that?!" To which he responds with, "school!" "sunday school." or "Curious George."

We tried to keep the special day going. Mathew had lunch waiting for us when we got home. Fried rice + fish sticks! Then He played Mario Kart while I put groceries away and Isabella napped.

over all I'd say he'll have a good memory of that whole day.

I shopped for like 4 hours. I was tired. So... dinner needed to be easy. I made french bread pizzas. super easy and quick. Great for busy days. [detailed steps below]

1. purchase bread, cheese, toppings. You can also buy some pizza sauce or check out my recipe for a super easy one here. [sauce hint* no need to simmer if you don't feel like it. just mix ingredients well and it's ready to go!]
2. slice bread in half, spread pizza sauce on.
3. add your toppings.
4. bake at 375 for 15 minutes
5. cut into slices. I like to use a big chopping knife and just rock it across so that I don't burn my fingers. [does that make sense?]
6. [not pictured] eat your heart out.

you can make a side salad or whatever you'd like. It's quite popular around here.

You're welcome!

After dinner we flew kites.

Douglas has gotten the hang of it and can even keep up with his daddy.

They BOTH also would like y'all to know that they flew the kites to the end of their string. [pictured below... they're pros.

good day indeed.

back surgery [part 2 of 2]

[here's part 1]

That first night was rough. He had to be checked on every 30 minutes. I hardly got any sleep. He was in a lot of pain.

The next day they said that they wanted to get him up and trying to walk... um, no. You just cut his spine apart.

But they did. So I left. I knew he'd prefer for me not to be there and I did too. I went home to check on the kids, eat something + shower.

That afternoon they had him walking again.

They did it twice everyday.

. 

it got a little easier every time.

We were there for almost 5 days. but he had cable + I watched the United States of Tara on my iphone. Thank heaven for hospital wifi! at least we had a nice view.

That runs through the middle of the hospital, so you can see it from most of the patient's rooms.

Bonnie + Clyde live there.

they were very entertaining. Clyde follows her around strutting his stuff all day. She ignores him.

that Friday they made sure he could go up & down steps.
then told him to go home.
just like that. 

it snowed that day.
I was scared.
getting him in the truck + out of the truck, it all sucked.
+ the ice & snow made me nervous for him.

He slowly got better at home. He felt more comfortable. He'd use his walker & go sit with the kids & I as long as he could. 

.

As you can see, that's also the time D decided that he would wear all his shirts backwards. He said he liked them that way.

I coped, with yoga,

... and the occasional slip out after bed time, tell Billy to keep an ear out of his DAMN headphones for a while a lone drive to walmart time. I MAY have bought a personal cheesecake and stuff a piece in my mouth with my hands like a starving person... in the parking lot. AND sit in the Starbucks parking lot crying with scones + coffee + hot chocolate + a very dear friend who will never know how grateful I am for her. [yeah, i'm not ashamed, I made it through, + I got to stuff my face!]

We went to his check ups + tried to do everything right.
At least I did.
He fell about 2 weeks after his surgery.
It's what happens when you don't listen to the lady of the house & do things the wrong way. of course it was the first time I left him home. The kids were at grandma's + I was throwing a baby shower for a friend. Billy was supposed to be at home to help just in case, but he was playing xbox and wearing head phones. those damn headphones. [yes, I used the word damn. when it comes to gaming headphones, I'm allowed to.] So Mathew laid there, had to get himself up. I checked on him on my way from my mother in law's to the shower location. I told his doctor. He had xrays done. We were practically back to square one, but he didn't hurt anything. It was a major set back. 
But he learned his lesson

While he healed, he had visitors, 

and played video games. He longed to be able to walk to the mailbox, then graduated to driving, and everything.

His last appointment was July 11th.

"CT looks awesome! You can't hurt anything now, just no sky diving or anything like that. No lifting more than 50lbs. But I'd say you can go back to work. Do what you feel comfortable doing."

That' what his doctor said! YAY!! He was so excited. But he's gotta ease into it. Things will eventually get back to "normal". I just don't think that it's happening fast enough for him.
boys.

back surgery [part 1 of 2]

Thank you to everyone that's prayed, thought of us, helped, brought meals, took the kids for a while, made me feel loved and wanted, let me cry on your shoulder, hugged me, bought me a drink...
thank you! We couldn't, I couldn't have done it without you.

I'm sorry I haven't updated. I feel like I'm wasting time if I sit down to write, but I've also realized that when I don't speak/write my thoughts & feelings I lose my mind just a little. So, here's the back surgery summary... you know how awesome I am at summarizing things... I just don't. What can I say? I'm wordy.

McCune Brooks Hospital Carthage, MO

Mathew is doing great. great! He was released by his physical therapist [every time I write or say the word therapist I think of it being the-rapist. I have a sick mind like that]. No more physical therapy! Of course he's supposed to still do things on his own. He's been walking a couple miles on the treadmill & cycling about 3 miles a day. Can you believe that?! I told you, he's doing great!!

sitting in the parking lot before going into the hospital for the surgery.

The day of the surgery was rough. I thought I'd prepared for it. They said it could be up to 8 hours long. I had my iPhone & the charger for it. Plus a few things to spend the night. The kids were at home with my mom, we figured they would be more comfortable that way. The pastor at the church we used to frequent was there even before they took Mathew back to surgery. He's the best! Caleb, one of Mathew's best friends was there too! I think that them being there really helped him get his mind off of things and even have a few laughs before they cut him open. When the 3 of us went to his room where he was waiting to get taken back to surgery we all laughed. He had a gown on that inflated, it had temp control... he looked like The Hulk. ha ha!!

At around 10 they told us it was time. I could tell he got nervous. I was nervous. SO many things could happen. It could have been the last time I saw him. He could be allergic to something, they could mess up. They might find something else wrong while they're in there.... I watch Grey's Anatomy people! I'm usually very paranoid in my head, I think of all the things that could go wrong. Usually I ignore them and put my tough face on, this time was no different. I just went through the day and waited.

Thankfully Mathew's mom came & stayed with me. So did his grandparents, and at the end of the day his brother. They helped keep my mind occupied & were all there when he came out of surgery.

That's when I thought I'd lose it. Dr. Ipsen showed me his xrays. they took his spine apart. they cut things out of it and filled it with stuff.... what the heck?! I felt like throwing up just thinking of what they did to him. Thinking about how they cut down his front, moved everything out of the way, then sliced up his spine. Then they flipped him over cut slits in his back, through his skin & muscles and shoved a couple rods & screws into him. HOLY CRAP!

It was almost 8pm when they came and got us so we could finally see him. I kept it together even though I could barely breath with that giant knot in my throat. He looked so... I don't know what word to use. I just know that in that moment I wanted to trade places with him. I wanted to take his pain away, to be the one there. I cant imagine how his mom felt. I can't imagine seeing my son go through that. but she did good, she kept it together too. All he wanted when he saw us was to hold my hand and for his daddy to get there. When his dad got there I could see the same feelings in his face too, but we all held ourselves together for Mathew's sake, for each other's sake. I know that if one of us lost it, all of us would've. I'm pretty sure I said some rude things when his parents started criticizing the way the nurses were doing things... I know that's just what they do, but I was a mess & didn't want to hear it. Everyone eventually had to leave, I can't imagine how hard that must have been for his mom. but I was ready to be alone with him. I made sure he didn't need anything, turned off the lights, then sat in the recliner chair thing in the corner.

Behind that picture was me, hyperventilating... trying not to puke, trying to breath, crying, but trying be quite so that he wouldn't hear. Trying to prepare myself for the next couple of days.

to be continued....